


But Just How Much?

by TheAsexualofSpades



Series: Quarantine Drabbles [137]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Arthur's a himbo but he's trying okay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Pining, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Sir Leon the Long Suffering, someone help him he's got the only braincell in Albion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAsexualofSpades/pseuds/TheAsexualofSpades
Summary: Arthur's rules to the knights are simple. They boil down to 'help Merlin, make sure he's alright, and if you hurt him, it's not just me that will hurt you.' Arthur cares, and he's damn well going to let the whole world know.But does he even know how much he cares?
Relationships: Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Quarantine Drabbles [137]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677655
Comments: 30
Kudos: 790





	But Just How Much?

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to everyone who wanted a part 2!

Fandom: Merlin (BBC)

Prompt: i have to ask... any chance we can have arthur going to leon and gwaine for advice on lancelot's protective dad speech? 😬 (no worries if not!!) - disneyintrovert

"My Merlin" OMGGGGG. I wanted to ask for a sequel, but I dunno what it would entail ;-; I just love how you write those two. Protective Arthur is just ;-; so good for meh heart. - BlackSky83

Arthur teaching the other knights about the tricks, what happens when they go to visit another kingdom? - Jewels9889

This was so good! So accurate! I love it so much! How do you feel about a sequel, because I’m sure we would all love one! - BubblesOfMusic23

* * *

Arthur’s lessons to the knights are simple.

  1. You will always _ask_ Merlin if he is alright with you helping him _before_ it seems like he will need help. If the answer is no, you will ask _who_ he would like to help him. 
  2. If Merlin tells you you are making it worse, _listen to him._ Leave him alone and get someone else who can help. 
  3. Get Merlin’s explicit permission to touch him when he is upset. He gets more sensitive when he is upset. 
  4. The breathing rule is in for 4, hold for 7, our for 8. Merlin will not always be able to breathe for all of the counts at first. Be patient with him. 
  5. This is no different from treating a broken ankle or a battle wound. Merlin is not doing this for attention, he is dealing with an injury. We just can’t see it. 
  6. Loud noises are bad, too many lights are bad, too much of anything can be bad. Pay attention to Merlin, he will let you know if he needs to leave. Go with him if he lets you. 
  7. Listen to whatever is giving Merlin trouble. More often than not, he knows it’s a little ridiculous, but he needs to hear someone else talk him through it. 
  8. Giving him something little to focus on will help to calm him down. He likes flowers. 
  9. This is not something that can be ‘fixed.’ Do not try. 
  10. If you hurt him, it will not just be me you have to answer to. 



For the most part, all the threatening stuff isn’t necessary. From the way Lancelot was behaving, Arthur’s a little suspicious that the knights are more loyal to _Merlin_ than they are to him. As long as they know Merlin is _his_ Merlin, not theirs, he’s willing to let it slide.

Plus, it's not as if he has much room to talk anymore.

Ignoring the vaguely threatening language, the knights take it in stride. Arthur makes a point to check in with Lancelot and Merlin regularly, just to see if they’re still getting everything right, is there anything they could be doing better?

He learns one thing fairly quickly. Merlin’s attacks—what he chooses to call them—have an awful habit of leaving him quite drained. After calming him down in the woods during a hunt one day, he let Arthur set him carefully on a log, toying with a flower, as Arthur set up camp. By the time he’d gotten the fire going, Merlin had been asleep, curled up against the log, cuddling the quiver of crossbow bolts with the dog they’d brought with them sitting protectively next to his head. When Merlin woke later to eat, he’d been mortified until Arthur assured him that it was alright, he’d just had an attack, and they were finished for the day anyway. After that, Merlin would spend a few moments after an attack just sitting quietly. Arthur would either go to his desk and work, being as quiet as possible or—depending on how bad the attack would be—Merlin would cuddle into his arms and doze lightly.

He probably should’ve guessed Merlin’s a cuddler.

He finds Merlin dozing in a patch of sunlight with Leon’s cape wrapped snugly around him, the knight in question standing guard with a soft smile. He finds Elyan bringing Merlin aside during an intense tournament, giving him a spare wrap and teaching him how to wrap his hands properly. He finds Gwaine telling one of his tavern stories as Merlin sits next to him in an empty guest chamber. He finds Percival glaring away a gaggle of squires as Merlin tries to breathe in the armory. He finds Lancelot sitting on the stairs with Merlin’s hand clutching his in his lap.

Merlin is getting taken care of, finally.

And Arthur doesn’t know why it makes his stomach clench.

He shouldn’t be feeling bad. He shouldn’t be feeling like something’s growing in his stomach every time he sees one of the knights gently ruffling Merlin’s hair or speaking softly to him. He shouldn’t be seized with the need to whack apart training dummies every time Merlin reaches for comfort from someone who isn’t him.

He _knows_ this is bad. If he’s upset, he won’t get to comfort Merlin the way Merlin needs to be comforted. He pushes the pesky feelings away in favor of paying attention.

The rest of the kingdom isn’t blind. They know now that touching Merlin is a surefire way to have the Knights of the Round Table after you. They can see the knights growing closer, if that’s possible, united behind another cause far more personal that the love of Camelot. Arthur delights in it. He’s never been much for his father’s belief of keeping the knights loyal to the crown, first and foremost, not to each other and to the people.

In his private moments, he wonders if Uther knew that he could never be loved as a ruler.

Arthur’s happy, he really is, seeing Merlin like this. Now Merlin’s a little less skittish. He throws his barbs back at Arthur with more energy than ever. He’s not afraid to say when he doesn’t like something now, knowing they’ll _listen_ to him and not just brush it off. Patrols are a lot more lighthearted now, not that they ever were the epitome of professionalism. It’s…it’s really nice.

Then Arthur comes out of a Council meeting with Merlin at his heels only to realize Merlin’s hands are trembling.

He hustles them down the corridor as fast as he can without raising alarm, ducking inside his chambers and swiftly going to draw the curtains over the bright sun. Merlin crouches by the door, his head between his knees, his hands clenched into little fists.

“Merlin,” Arthur murmurs as he crosses the room slowly, “shh…it’s alright, I’m right here…”

The gasping breaths make his heart clench. He crouches by his servant, easing himself to the floor.

“I need you to try and take a deep breath for me,” he prompts gently, “come on…in for four…”

Arthur exaggerates his own breathing, smiling as Merlin tries to follow along. He keeps up the litany of reassurances until Merlin can follow all the counts. When he uncurls just a little bit, Arthur offers his hand, making to hold Merlin’s or to place it on his shoulder.

“ _Oof,_ ” he mumbles when Merlin throws himself at Arthur, almost sending the two of them toppling to the floor, “hello there, it’s alright, I’ve got you, I’m right here.”

His hand tangles protectively in Merlin’s hair as Merlin buries his cold nose in the crook of Arthur’s neck. Arthur rubs firmly at Merlin’s back, trying to ground him in _here, now, you’re safe, I won’t let anything hurt you._

The shudder of Merlin’s chest against Arthur’s slows and steadies, and Merlin hums sleepily.

“That was a big one, hmm?”

“Yeah,” comes the mumble, “’s stupid though.”

“We’ve been over this,” Arthur chides gently, shifting his grip so Merlin won’t have an awful strain in his neck, “if it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.”

“I know, I know, it’s just…”

Merlin sighs, shifting so he can bury his face further into Arthur.

“…you’re not angry with me, are you?”

“What?” To his surprise, Arthur almost forgets to keep his volume down. “Merlin, no, of course, I’m not angry with you. What on earth would I have to be angry for?”

He realizes his mistake quickly and shushes Merlin before he has a chance to answer. “Let me rephrase that. I’m not angry with you. You have done nothing to make me angry with you. It’s alright, Merlin, and I’m happy to explain why I’m not.”

“Okay.” Merlin sits up a little, Arthur lamenting that it makes him draw away from the cradle of his arms. He scrubs at his face. “It’s just…you…I keep seeing you show up sometimes and then you just leave and I--did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, Merlin…” Arthur can’t resist ruffling Merlin’s hair. “Do you mean when you’ve had an attack?”

Merlin nods. “Sometimes you’ll—you’ll show up and then you won’t say anything.”

“That’s because more often than not, when I find you, you’ve already got someone there to comfort and take care of you.” As he talks, Arthur slides his hands slowly up and down Merlin’s arms. “I don’t want to give you more to worry about, so I leave. I’m sorry if this has upset you.”

“No! No, no, it’s—it’s fine, I just…”

Arthur waits patiently, stroking Merlin’s arms.

“…I wouldn’t worry if it was _you,_ ” he mumbles finally, refusing to meet Arthur’s gaze.

Well, if nothing else, that soothes the protective beast growling in Arthur’s chest, the one that wants to wrap Merlin up in warm blankets and set him far, far away from anything that would ever hurt him ever again. Arthur smiles, pulls Merlin back in for a cuddle.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says softly, “but you’ll let me know if two people ever become too much, hmm?”

“Promise.”

“Good.” Arthur idly toys with a lock of Merlin’s hair. “Is there anything else upsetting you right now?”

Merlin’s quiet for a few seconds until he murmurs: “…trip.”

Ah. Right.

Arthur and the knights have a long ride to a neighboring lord’s estate that leaves next week. They’re working to try and establish a more direct trading route through Camelot that would allow more perishable goods to be sent back and forth, giving a greater increase in economic exchanges for the people that live outside the range of Camelot’s cities. But that’s a trip they’ve never done before, to a lord that…isn’t exactly on the _best_ of terms with the citadel.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“Can you…can you just tell me it’s gonna be alright?”

Arthur smiles, pulling Merlin firmly into his lap. He cups Merlin’s face, looking him dead in the eyes.

“It’s going to be alright, Merlin,” he says softly, “I promise you it’s going to be alright.”

The amount of trust in Merlin’s gaze makes his head spin. “I believe you.”

Arthur tucks away that feeling for the beast in his chest to hoard, helping Merlin through the rest of the attack until Merlin’s back off on his chores with a bright smile on his face. The rest of the week passes fairly quickly, preparations put in place, everything getting ready. When they mount up to get going, Arthur hides another smile at the way the knights form a protective circle around Merlin.

They make good time the first day, settling down for the evening with plenty of cheer and good-natured banter. Merlin sets up camp in what appears to be the blink of an eye, the knights barely having time to finish tending to their horses before Merlin’s yelling at them to sit down and eat. Gwaine just shrugs and starts shoveling down his stew.

“Merlin, have you been sneaking into the kitchens again?”

“That’s your territory, Gwaine.”

“Oi!”

“And Percival’s.”

“Thank you.”

“Really?” Gwaine tilts the bowl back towards his mouth. “Because this is delicious.”

“Well, it’s not my fault you’ve taken this long to appreciate my cooking.”

“Well, now I can’t just let that slide.”

A groan goes up around the camp as Gwaine switches into what Arthur and Leon privately refer to as his ’Tavern Stance,’ where he’s looking for company and doesn’t mind much what form it takes. Merlin, surprisingly enough, has never really noticed it. What with more much he _goes_ to the tavern, Arthur’s surprised. Surely he must’ve seen it before.

“If I’ve never noticed it before now, it’s only because I’ve been so focused on your _other_ assets.”

“Oh god, he’s already pulling out the ‘asset’ line,” Elyan grumbles, burying his face in his hands, “put me out of my misery.”

“Are the rest of you saying you’ve not been taken aback by them?”

Arthur has to concede that one. It’s a well-laid trap, where they either have to admit that Merlin is spectacular and deal with Gwaine or get Gwaine to knock it off but imply they haven’t noticed how incredible Merlin is. Well played, Gwaine, well played.

“Enough,” Percival says, “Merlin’s great. We know. Now shut up.”

Gwaine simply throws his head back and roars with laughter. Merlin shakes his head and wanders off to do the dishes. When he returns, Gwaine still hasn’t stopped laughing.

“Will you knock it off? You’re going to let the whole forest know we’re here.” Merlin pokes his shoulder. “At the very least you can tone it down.”

“Alright, alright,” Gwaine mutters, waving a hand, “you’re no fun.”

Merlin rolls his eyes. “Well, this no-fun is going to collect firewood.”

“I’ll come with you,” Lancelot says, getting up.

Elyan looks at Percival. “Guess that means we’re on watch for the first shift, hmm?”

Percival simply picks up his sword. Arthur marvels at the way the knights seem to melt into the trees, leaving just Leon, Gwaine, and Arthur alone by the fire.

Hey, wait a minute…

Arthur sighs. “Alright. What is it?”

Gwaine chuckles. “Told you.”

“And here I thought it would be difficult.”

“What do you two want?” Arthur looks around. Leon is sitting like this is a Council meeting, Gwaine has dropped all pretense of his Tavern Stance and is all but glaring at Arthur. “Did something happen?”

“That’s a question I think you have to answer,” Gwaine says, eyeing Arthur through the flames. “I’m sure it shouldn’t be too difficult to figure out.”

Arthur thinks. Is it the trip? The lord? The trade deal?

Leon would’ve voiced his concerns well before they got underway.

Gwaine doesn’t normally bother with politics.

So…

“…is it Merlin?”

“Give the boy a biscuit,” Gwaine mutters, “he’s got it.”

“Gwaine,” Leon chides lightly, “you know how long it took him to get _this_ far.”

“Fair.”

“Wait, _what?_ ” Arthur looks between the two of them. “What is happening?”

Leon raises an eyebrow. “Surely you know we’re not _blind,_ sire.”

“I know you’re not blind, what the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Because that means whatever _Merlin_ can see, _we_ can see too.”

It’s the flint behind Leon’s gaze that gets Arthur to realize what they’re talking about.

Whenever he finds Merlin upset with one of them nearby, they can see him look and leave. And unlike Merlin, they probably have enough of their wits about them to _see_ him.

“I think he’s finally getting it,” Arthur hears Gwaine mutter distantly.

Arthur knows he doesn’t have the best neutral expression, let alone when it comes to Merlin. Those pesky feelings he has whenever he sees Merlin with one of them are probably written all over him, for anyone to see. And he’s having this conversation with one of the most observant men he knows and the only person who could rival him for how much he cares about Merlin. Aside from Lancelot, of course.

The difference is Lancelot would hesitate to run him through.

“I’m not angry,” Arthur says eventually, “when I…see you.”

“Well, if that’s all.”

Arthur glares at Gwaine. “If you would just come out and _say_ it—“

“I’m not picky about my lovers.”

“That is not what I meant and you know it.”

“If you haven’t figured it out yet, then I don’t see why I should.”

“Gentlemen,” Leon says, drawing both of their gazes, “I believe this conversation would benefit from a…realigning of sorts.”

He clasps his hands formally in his lap. Gwaine sits up too, still glowering at Arthur. Distantly Arthur wonders if this is what it’s like to be interrogated as a potential suitor.

Oh fuck that’s exactly what’s happening, isn’t it?

“I suppose you’re going to ask me what my intentions are,” he laughs nervously, hoping for at least _Leon_ to crack a slight smile and correct him.

Nope. He just gets two stone-cold nods.

What _are_ his intentions towards Merlin?

He wants Merlin by his side, forever and always, that much he knows. He wants to see Merlin’s nod of approval when he overturns a law that kept too many people hurt for far too long. He wants to hear Merlin’s witty jibes in the morning where he has to wake up and put the crown back on. He wants Merlin to help him take the crown off after a long day. He wants Merlin and his moments of sage advice at just the right time.

  
He wants Merlin to come to him when he’s upset, let Arthur calm him down, and murmur reassurances to him. He wants Merlin to feel _safe_ when he’s with Arthur, to pass through the door of their chambers and breathe a sigh of relief. He wants the warm room inside, where Merlin likes to curl up in his arms, lets him be overprotective. Let him be _soft,_ make Merlin feel _safe…_

Wait, since when has it been ‘their’ chambers?

Is…is he in love with Merlin?

Gwaine chuckles. Shit, did he say that out loud?

“Yes, yes you did.”

Arthur buries his face in his hands. “Kill me now, please.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Gwaine,” Leon chides again, “you know that would make Merlin upset.”

“Hmm.”

And if _that’s_ the only thing keeping Arthur alive right now, he’s surprisingly alright with it.

He looks back up at his knights that have mercy on him and drop out of their protective-parent façades. They are…frighteningly accurate.

“You care about Merlin,” Leon says, “deeply, yes? Perhaps to an extent you yourself did not realize?”

Arthur nods.

“Then you _know,_ ” he says firmly, “that you are in a…unique position when it comes to Merlin’s feelings.”

He…he is?

“Merlin has done more for _you,_ ” Gwaine says pointedly, “not for Camelot, not for the crown, for _you,_ than anyone else. I doubt anyone aside from _him_ truly knows the extent of it.”

Arthur nods dumbly.

“Merlin has decided, for better or worse,” the knight continues, “to place himself in your hands. His life, his heart, his soul, for _you._ ”

The beast in Arthur’s chest curls around the trust and growls.

“Surely you understand,” Leon says, “that this is a _massive_ responsibility. Merlin cares for you. In ways I’m not sure any man can fully understand.”

What…what has Arthur done to deserve it?

“Trying to ascribe it to something other than Merlin’s choice is futile.” Leon lifts his chin. “It has happened. We can’t change it.”

He levels a hard stare at Arthur. “ _You,_ Arthur Pendragon, have been given this man in his entirety. I trust you know what that means.”

Merlin…Merlin is _his._

Hearing Leon— _Leon,_ of all people—say it makes it hit Arthur in a way that it never has before. The beast in his chest rumbles, ready to curl protectively around Merlin’s trust, his heart, and his soul. He…he _wants._

Wants Merlin to know he’s made the right choice.

“I will care for him,” Arthur says, the sincerity in his tone forming into a vow, “I will protect him, and I will not take it for granted.”

“See that you don’t,” Leon says, “I would hate to see the consequences if you did not.”

“He means that if you hurt Merlin your body will never be found.”

Arthur half-expects another chide from Leon but no, the two knights just…stare at him.

“Lancelot was right,” he mutters, mostly to himself, “you really are here for Merlin, aren’t you?”

“Aren’t _you?”_

_Fair enough._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come yell at me on tumblr while we're all in quarantine.
> 
> https://a-small-batch-of-dragons.tumblr.com/


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